ABOVE: The vacuums advertised in the 1959 Ladies' Home Journal were dead-heavy brutes built to last.
I’m a member of the Indignant Consumer set. You know us by our grim stance as we hand over our credit cards. We exude suspicion and fatalism as we purchase a new fridge. We suck any sense of novelty as we’re shown all the smart features on our brand new iPhones.
It’s not our fault; we were brought up at a time when we expected our dishwasher/car/washer-dryer to last 20 years, back when a uniformed BC Tel employee would come to our homes to exchange our free-use family phone if it failed working after a decade. Yes, it’s a sense of entitlement, but is it too much to expect to be entitled to, say, a new vacuum cleaner that doesn’t explode?
That’s what I was mumbling at the TV as I watched the news about that local mother who was attacked by her stick vacuum cleaner last month. Her rechargeable made-in-China battery had exploded, burning her flesh, firing shrapnel into the drywall and launching the stick part of the vacuum clear down the stairs.
I immediately marched my own stick vacuum to the computer like a naughty child to the corner. My model number was not listed at the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission website, but looked identical to a heap of the 320,000 potential bombs. I called the 1-800 number, gave all the particulars and was informed that my model was not part of the recall. I hung up, momentarily relieved, but as the skepticism indicative of my kind kicked in, I called back. “Unfortunately your product is part of the voluntary recall,” the new voice read from his script. I am triumphant in my defeat.
My home, like most homes, bears evidence of an increasingly shoddy global manufacturing industry. The 30-year-old rubberband-beige American Standard toilets are stalwart and dependable water hogs. The 15-year-old stacked washer-dryer and dishwasher remain reliable. The two-year-old microwave oven-fan hood combo has been repaired once under warranty after a smoky short-out, but continues to rattle threateningly when in use. The iMac was exempt from the global recall for catching fire but gets frighteningly warm. The six-month-old MacBook Pro has already been replaced once and crashes regularly. The new iPhone has been serviced twice for voicemail malfunction.
As for the new Electrolux Ergorapido 2 In 1, I’m suddenly pining for my old 1950s canister model Electrolux about the shape and heft of, well, a real bomb.
